Andrew Herbert Sensei
April 2006
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On March 17th 2006 I was to attempt my Shodan in the hallowed Honbu dojo, the headquarters of Ishin Ryu Ju-Jitsu. I was
going to try and become only the fifth person in Ishin Ryu's illustrious history to wrap a black obi with a purple stripe
around my waist. Suffice it to say that although the physical grading ran over two days, for me the grading started two years
earlier when I received my Shodan Ho. Shodan Ho is a BIG step up as far as being a senior grade is concerned. I'm not just talking about the superficial things, like having your name on your belt or being called "Sempai." I'm talking about, what's expected of you and how people perceive you. You are also very aware of the two years you now have to build up to the dizzy heights of Shodan. This period is sadly where the majority of student's fall off the conveyor belt. As with all monumental tasks, everything lies in the preparation. The two days of the grading is just the culmination of many months of hard work, not only in the dojo but in most aspects of your life. For me the black belt journey started in January of 2005. I had been a Shodan Ho for nine months and although I was still training hard I knew that if I was ever going to get ready for a future Shodan grading I was going to have to start now. I didn't have a date set but I predicted it would be early 2006. This would give me a year of steady build so as to peak at the right time. At this point I was training and teaching at the Borehamwood dojo twice a week. As I said before, training in the dojo is only one slice of the preparation "cake." The fitness level that would be necessary to pass the grading would require me to train extensively in my own time, off my own back. This required major lifestyle changes in every area and plenty of self motivation. In fact I would say the eighty to ninety percent of my physical training was off the Tatami. To start with I had to sort out my running! I knew this was a particularly weak area for me as I've always hated it (not violent enough I think). I knew I would have a 12 mile run and a river crossing on day two so my running needed to be up to speed (no pun intended). For this I enlisted the help of Steve Harris (see Sensei Mark Thomas Shodan Report), a running coach and general athletics and fitness guru. He gave me some interesting pointers on breathing, running and breathing whilst running (which were very helpful). We focused on hill work and sprint work, always varying my heart rate to improve recovery time. Steve was a fantastic help but most of all was a real confidence boost. Steve has worked with a "who's who" in Olympic athletics, when someone with that experience is encouraging you its difficult to be nervous anymore. For that and all his hard work he put in (he was running too) I thank him dearly!! Beyond the training with Steve I was regularly running 3 times a week with a long run on the weekend. As the weeks went by the runs got longer and faster to the point where we were running 10 miles in about 65 minutes which if you hate running was pretty quick. Again, not only was this fantastic cardiovascular work, it gave me real confidence and removed the fear from running. Other changes to my life included regular Ki breathing, and when I mean regular I mean everyday without fail. Ki was an unbelievably exciting prospect when I was learning it at Holkham beach on the Ki course. The breathing exercises focus's your mind and conditions your body so that you can receive strikes to vulnerable parts of the body. This may sound easy but I assure you that 5 minutes of good Ki exercises, usually kicks up quite a sweat. I had to build this in with every other part of my daily routine, like brushing my teeth. Confidence again plays a MAJOR role in Ki, certainly from a grading perspective. I had to question my own sanity the first time I let Soke stand in front of me and punch me in the throat! Once he had though, I had a new found confidence that Ki actually worked, and that if done properly should cause me no problems on the Grading. Training in the dojo continued as normal. I mixed between constant syllabus review and teaching other students. Obviously doing the techniques yourself is a fantastic way to recall them at will, but I found teaching the techniques a much better way of understanding them. You can only understand a technique when you are able to teach it in minute detail. It was only through this that I started to realise the holes in my own knowledge which in turn allowed me to ask questions to Soke or the Dan grades. To push myself, I tried to get involved with as many national and senior gradings as possible to simulate that "special" atmosphere. These days are much more physically demanding than normal training so were perfect ways of judging my fitness and technical level throughout the year. A major change for me came in early 2006 when I moved to Norfolk, 2 minutes drive from Honbu. Now I was training directly with Soke twice a week, and he pushed me (as only he can) further than I was able to myself. This was a significant step for me as with the grading only a few months away, I was able to really up my game! With all this hard training, I was often finding that I was constantly fatigued, certainly in the evenings. After having a few chats with Lou Panteli from Borehamwood, she showed me the error of my ways concerning my diet. For some reason I had decided (still not sure why?) I needed to cut some weight. The food I was eating was no where near giving me the energy I needed to sustain the levels of training I was doing. After looking at it, I started eating plenty of pasta and baked potatoes and pasta and porridge and pasta and well pasta. Everything was going really well, but I wasn't without my set backs. In Feb 2006 an old shoulder injury reared its ugly head which made things like press ups very difficult for the last couple of months before the grading. I also broke my little toe (sob sob) a month before the big day doing leopard crawls (of all things!!) up and down the dojo. It wasn't a major problem to train on but it made running impossible (couldn't fit my foot in a shoe). These seem like minor injuries and they were but when you're going for the biggest test of your life you want to be firing on all cylinders and I felt like I wasn't. Doubts crept in and all the confidence that I had built up with certain things was slipping away. Luckily for me 4 weeks was just about enough to heal a broken toe and a steroid injection sorted my shoulder out a treat a week before the grading. Unfortunately I think psychologically these injuries had caused some damage to my preparation. Running had been my biggest form of cardiovascular exercise and losing a month before was a big blow for me. I tried other things to keep active like cycling but the mind games had already started and the grading was just weeks away! The Infamous day arrived! Two years of Shodan Ho training had come down to this. I think my "better half" Sempai Sheila Eglen was relieved that the day was finally here as for the last 2 weeks I had become unbearable to live with. I had turned into a complete Shodan recluse and was incapable of doing anything other than black belt "stuff." I lived and dreamt about the grading. I would run through the syllabus in my head over and over. I read somewhere that positive thought went along way to improving performance for top athletes, so I visualised myself doing certain parts of the grading and successfully passing. The waiting was finally over.....
Saturday morning arrived, I double, no triple checked all my kit again from the night before, had a big bowl of porridge and made my way to the dojo. Here I was met by the smiling and certainly less nervous faces of my training partners and grading panel. I knew that all of them would play a crucial part in this weekend. After saying "hello to all the guys and re- acquainting with my old training partner Sempai Will Lexton (who came up specially for the grading), we set the dojo up ready for the weekend.
The thinking behind the log run is simple, "work as a team and work hard for each other." If one person slacks the whole team will suffer. It's very much a "find the weakest link" exercise. We had 6 positions on the log and 8 potential carriers; this meant that people could swap who were getting tired. The Emphasis would be on me to command the team and get the best out of them, a leadership test if you will. The only stipulation was that I couldn't come off the log.......AT ALL!!
We eventually completed the third lap and got a well deserved rest whilst further instructions we being dished out. The plan was to sprint (not run), sprint down to the river, enter the river, get the log out the other side (without getting it wet) get everybody over onto the bank and then get the log back to the start.
We "paced" the log down to the waters edge at a thunderous speed. Once there we hoisted the log onto our shoulders and carried the log to the other side. Once in position everyone fed the log onto the other bank and got all the participants to the other side. Once here we did 20 log lifts (lifting the log from one shoulder to the other whilst fully extending the arms in-between). This again has to be done as a team otherwise it makes it very difficult.
After a quick breakfast, we were back to the dojo. I have trained in Honbu countless times and have participated in many grading there but I had never felt an atmosphere like it. Usually I don't have any problem with being singled out in a class but obviously this was totally different. The imposing grading panel sitting behind a formal table made me EVEN more nervous than before (if that was possible). My heart was racing already and I hadn't done anything yet!!
It was now time for my first of many fitness tests. 50 push ups, 50 sit ups, 50 leg raises and 50 burpees! I completed this test, but it wasn't as painless as it should have been seeing as we had only just started! I was shocked at how tired I was already; my mind was already beginning to plant seeds of doubt that maybe I hadn't trained enough. Now it was time for my Ki demonstration! I was trying desperately to slow my breathing down to get the correct technique. In a slight twist of fate Renshi Trevor stepped up to test me, something I wasn't used to. Soke is certainly a master at taking you out of your comfort zone! Anyway, all went well. None of the strikes or chokes were effective (not a jibe at Renshi).
By now as I said before I was feeling quite drained already, much more than I would have liked. I was already battling with my mind as to whether I could actually do this! There was still so much of the grading to go! Obviously, thoughts like this just made things worse as I got more and more nervous. The occasion was getting to me! I knew that in a normal environment I would have barely broken a sweat by now, but I was already feeling not only the fatigue but the pressure as well. It was now time for the weapons, something that was much more familiar to me. I started to calm down a little and settle into the day. We started with all the techniques for side-handled baton, moving on to straight baton, Hojo, Pistol disarms and finally knife defence and tactical knife. I felt much more at home with these and I started to get into a rhythm. Soke interspersed the different weapons with questions about the individual items i.e. the history, material etc. This was less about testing my knowledge and more about testing my concentration when I was tired. Once we had come to the end of the weapons I had grown in confidence, but there was a definite sense of underachievement, not only from myself but from grading panel. I knew as they did that I could and should be doing better! As I was just getting into a rhythm it was broken again. Now came the unsettling feeling of the unknown! I had no idea what was coming next! I was now expected to fight each senior grade (one at a time) in a Judo style randori environment. Each Uke would step out and I would begin grappling with them from a standing position. If someone got a clean throw then an "IPPON" would be called and the fight would be over. If the fight hits the floor, then grappling would ensue until a hold down or a submission. Now unfortunately for me I was going against the toughest, fittest guys in the organisation bar none. They weren't going to give me an easy ride and I certainly wouldn't expect them too. This would be a huge challenge for me if I was fresh let alone when I'm tired!! The fights began, some were successful, and some weren't! What you notice about this type of grappling is it is very intense. The rounds were quick so there was no time to relax into it. Once I had, the round was over and a new fresh Uke was standing in front of me looking to rip my head off! My body took a pounding as you can imagine from this type of grappling. I had no idea how many rounds I needed to do; I just had to keep fighting. My next task was the random attacks! Random attacks are a way to try and simulate a more realistic situation where you have no idea what your opponent is going to do! All you know is that they are going to attack you. The theory behind this is that knowing how to defend a round house punch is fine, if you know that your opponent is throwing a round house punch. I had no time to relax, if anything I was now more on edge because I knew that the attacks would be hard and fast. If I misread a situation then the first I'd know about it was from the sting of smelling salts. The last thing I needed now was to pick up any sort of injury. I had to deal with the attack and neutralise it to a point that I could attack back. I felt the random attacks went very well! They were scrappy, but you wouldn't expect anything else from a situation like that. The important thing for me was that I'd managed to get away pretty much unscathed. Now it was time for the random attacks with a weapon. I was much more confident with these due to natural reactions from training when you see certain weapons, such as knives or guns. When this was finished we went straight into random attacks from grabs from behind. I would face away from the uke and they would come in a grab me in a certain way i.e. full nelson or a head lock. Again, I had to deal with the grab and get to a stage where I could hit back. This went very well, the only problem being that all the random attacks were VERY draining as my body was constantly on "red alert." I had no idea how many rounds I actually did. It felt like it had gone on forever (gratuitous over exaggeration but you get the point!) Soke went back to his seat at the grading panel and then uttered the words I was dreading to hear (and certainly not expecting). "Basic throws four by four!" I knew this was going to be seriously tough. Any of the senior grades will tell you that shooting through all the basic throws is no mean feet alone. It's something we do regularly in training but it still takes it out of you. Although fatigued I was feeling quite good after the random attacks so I stepped up to throw the first four. I could instantly feel that the throws were not up to my normal standard. I started to flag quite quickly and although my throws seemed fine, getting up became a real struggle lower down the throws. As if under a microscope I could sense worry coming from the grading panel's direction. Getting off the floor had become very laboured and every time I was thrown again all I could think was "I've still got tomorrow yet!" Every different throw brought a new fresh Uke that dumped me through the floor. I couldn't help feeling this was in some way poetic justice?. Every time I got up slowly, a roar of encouragement came from the direction of the senior grades willing me to get up. With every throw my confidence sank, I was starting to think I had underestimated this grading! With the final throws over, I had the chance for a quick drink before I went straight into another Shodan fitness test! I really struggled with the press ups; I think self doubt was now playing a major role. The encouragement from the senior grades was deafening and very much appreciated! I got through the fitness test but again certainly not in a way I or the grading panel would have hoped for. I knelt in the corner to get some water when Soke asked everyone to leave the Dojo. This was not a good sign; I was demoralised anyway because I felt, I KNEW I could do better! All the senior grades were giving me fantastic words of hope and encouragement, some of them genuinely telling me how well they had thought it had gone. I think I knew in myself I was under-achieving but I wasn't sure if the grading was going to be stopped or not. After a long conversation the Grading Panel of Ishin Ryu instructors brought me over to find out what was wrong. I gave some excuses but I think deep down I didn't really know what was wrong. Looking back on it now I think that it had been so long since the pressure had been put on me directly. It had been two years since I had been under the microscope! I had been in so many difficult senior gradings, so many hard training days but the pressure was never applied directly to me. I also think that the second day is a real psychological barrier. Every time I felt tired I would always have a little voice inside me saying "you've still got worse to come tomorrow" which is very demoralising. I had hit the lowest point in the day. Saturday was bought to a conclusion and I needed to get home and reset. Soke pulled me to one side and gave me some words of encouragement that really turned my mood around. As I said before he has his own "special" way of motivating! After all tomorrow was another day! More importantly it was the ONLY DAY LEFT. I could give it 1000% tomorrow knowing that if I can't stand by the end of it, it didn't matter. I could now put everything on the line which wasn't the case on the Saturday. I went home with renewed enthusiasm, ready for an early night and an early start! Day two started at an un-godly 6:30 (am). The usual suspects jumped into their cars and made their way down to Reymerston Country Club. The plan was to run 12 miles with a Shodan phys stop at about the 9 mile mark. There would then be an "early morning dip" in one of the rivers, and then back to the start for a hot breakfast. I had three runners with me, Sempai Pete, Sempai Ollie and Kemal. I must say now how thankful I was they ran round with me. They kept my spirits up all the way round and completed the swim as well. I couldn't ask for better team mates!!
We carried on round the cross country course for the second time, closely followed by Soke in his "Mobile Command Centre." The river/lake/hell hole was looming on the horizon and all 4 of us were readying ourselves mentally. When we reached the waters edge, we notice that Sempai Andy T and Will had cleared us a nice entrance to the lake! I was the first in, followed by Pete and Kemal then Ollie. As soon as you hit the water all the air gets knocked out of you! It becomes so difficult to breathe as you gasp for air! Obviously still wearing all your clothes and trainers really slows you down and makes things much more interesting. Pete and Kemal rocketed through the lake, followed by a slightly less amphibious Ollie and me! Once out of the lake it's a race to get your body moving again to try and regain all the heat you've lost. Although I was really feeling the cold, I felt fantastic because I knew I had probably a mile and half till I jumped in that warm shower AAAHHHH! The last stretch was great! In my head this was the last big physical barrier for me to cross because I knew in myself I would pull all together in the dojo. Last hundred metres was a sprint, I just had to get back! Once finished, big group hug with the guys I was running with and then into the showers (not hugging anymore) to get ready for a very large breakfast. After possibly the best breakfast in my life it was back to the dojo and into my gi! Back at the dojo I realised that this was my only chance. As I said earlier, I had to give it everything I had! I could already feel that today I was mentally stronger and although my body was tired, it didn't matter because by the end of the day there would be a result (one way or another). We started with basic throws! I already felt much better than I did from the day before. My throws were crisper, but more importantly I was getting up with a bit more "va va voom." The throws went by much faster this time but even when my body started to want to slow down, I didn't allow it! With basic throws out of the way, it was straight into syllabus. I was much more at home with this than any other part of the grading, so I used it to gain confidence. In my own head we flashed through the syllabus working from instinct. With every belt that went by I received a new Uke. Again, when my body began to feel the pain I ignored it, which is exactly what I didn't do the day before. Where as the mind games got ahead of me on the Saturday, I had them under control today. With each technique, I grew in confidence. I felt fresher, more alert than before. I started to feel how I wanted to feel all weekend! I really felt the tide had turned. We finished the last technique on the syllabus and we went straight into ground work. I was out the front and all the senior grades were lined up in front of me. The first Uke knelt in front of me ready for the command to begin fighting. The fight would end either by submission or hold down. Once each fight concluded another Uke knelt in front of me ready to go! I fought each fight knowing that all the Uke were fresher than me. I needed to fight intelligently so as not to get too worn out. About 5 fights in, Soke announced I had 25 to go! (Just to say this part of the grading is a little blurred in terms of order and numbers)
My strategy in each round was to try and weather the initial storm of the fresh Uke by tying up as many limbs as possible. Once my opponents paced had slowed I would try and work for a more dominant position where I could look for a submission. This is certainly easier said than done so I must stress that although this was my strategy this is certainly not how every round went!! I did my best to use technique instead of strength of which by that time I had very little. I have no idea what the end results were as the intension (mine at least) was to simply keep fighting. Another quick water break and I was back on my feet for what ever could be coming next. Everyone lined up in front of me ready for further instructions from Soke. The instruction was basic throws, one each all the way through. I was going to be doing all the throwing. These types of basic throws are much faster because this time I don't have to wait for someone to get back to their feet. As soon as one throw finishes, somebody will already be standing there waiting for the next. All I can remember were the obvious feelings of joy about getting to the end of the throws. However, once the last throw was completed it was now my turn to hit the floor! I walked to a senior grade and they dumped me with the instructed throw. I would then get up and the next person would throw me and so on until all throws were completed. As most people will tell you, being thrown is much more taxing than actually throwing. Again, as I reached the end, grasping for breath, I was relieved I was at the end of the throws! Not so fast!! "Round 2" exclaimed Renshi Trevor. It was hard to mask the sinking feeling but I had come too far to quit now. Again I began to throw everyone. One throw at a time all the way through the basic throws! The worst thing now was that I knew what was coming next, and inevitably, once I had finished throwing, the senior grades all lined up to "return the favour!" Last throw completed, this time I was not going to make any assumptions about how many rounds I would be doing. Round 3 was called, although exhausted I was ready to do what was asked! After a few seconds of what can only be described as cruel silence, "Yamei!" was called which signalled the end of the throws. Damn those mind games!! Amazingly, it was now that I knew that I would have to "dig in deep." I had no idea what was coming next and I could be literally anything, like going through the syllabus one more time, talk about tempting fate... Soke called out "white belt syllabus" and I knew he wasn't kidding. Yet again in a kind of sick and twisted ground hog day scenario I was starting to make my way up the belts only this time with what felt like a gi made of lead. At one point at about green belt, I started to flag, so in typical Soke style he woke me up with 10 press ups. Getting to my feet was a chore but I still felt I was going well. My guard off was becoming a problem, I had dropped it a couple of times and that seemed to be a couple of times to many for Soke. Next time I dropped it, a (very) large hand wrapped itself round the back of my head followed by a very insistent "GET YOUR GUARD UP!!" All I can say is that this worked as a kind of "hypnotic" suggestion, because I don't think I dropped it again. This was also backed up by Soke making a B line for me, "meat hooks" raised, every time I got up just in case I dropped it again. With all the belts gone I now moved into another Shodan fitness test....50 of everything......again! With a sea of senior grades around me screaming words of encouragement, pushing me on, I began! I can't really say much more than this was horrible, every muscle in my body was now screaming. I got through them all, slowly but surely!
All I know is that Peter's guard that I was supposed to be hitting, seemed to be the hardest thing in the world to aim for (maybe because by now there were two of them), so I ended up peppering the side of his head with punches instead. Once we changed, Pete had his revenge, dumping me through the floor like a rag doll! As if this wasn't bad enough you can my sinking felling when we were told to go again. I felt sick!! At the water break I was completely exhausted! Trying to resist the urge to gulp my water, someone whispered to me that the "gloves were here." The gloves they were referring to were the infamous milling gloves we have used throughout the years. I was instructed to grab my gum shield and get "gloved up" (we had dispensed with head guards a long time ago). First man up was my friend Pete...again! We were asked to get ready, "MILL!" Then we started punching!! The idea behind milling is not to box but just to throw as many punches a possible in a minute. The idea is to keep fighting no matter what! I can't really describe the fight as it is just a slow motion blur with deafening sounds of screaming. All I can remember is YAMEI being called and Soke pouring water over my face to wash the blood off. I had been battered and I could seriously feel it.
Yamei was called for the final time on the milling and emotions had already started to get the better of me. I was physically at the end of my tether; I was de-gloved and then sent to the centre of the Dojo. Soke asked me for 10 counted push ups, which actually felt ok (relatively speaking); he then continued and counted on through to 20. By this time my legs clattered to the floor. He then challenged me with 10 "good ones!" He counted them out and I slowly pushed them out, my right arm buckled at about 6 and I kept going. At 10 he shouted Yamei and I put my knees on the ground and tried to forget that my stomach felt like it was being ripped in two.
My two biggest thanks go out to two people who without them this dream would never have become a reality. The first goes to my partner Sempai Sheila Eglen who unfortunately could not take part in the grading due to a freak injury. She pushed me so hard in the run up to the grading, keeping me focused on the task at hand. As I had said before, I had become a nightmare to live with due to my obsessive tunnelled vision approach to the grading, not only did she accept this but made many MANY allowances and concessions to aid me along the way. I doubt many women would have put up with me, but as we all know behind every good martial artist is a great woman!! When her time comes in the not to distant future there will be no doubt that I will extend her the same support!
That was that! The two days had drawn to a close and I was now an exceedingly proud member of the Ishin Ryu Yudansha. All that was left now was the mysterious black belt ceremony, all I can say is that it was defiantly worth the wait
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Andrew Herbert Sensei's Thank You Letters
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